Author: admin

I am open to others while remaining completely faithful to myself.

Louise Hay finds a direct relationship between illness (symptoms) and emotions. Following her long list of diseases, cancer relates to deep hurt, longstanding resentment, deep secret or grief eating away at the self, carrying hatreds.

The German New Medicine (GNM) paradigm also establishes a relationship between the onset of cancer and emotions. It defines cancer in similar terms as Louise Hay, as the result of nursing old hurts and shocks, or building remorse.

Getting into more detail, GNM also identifies different types of cancer, or better said, different organs where cancer may originate, and links these to specific emotions or events. Following this list, skin cancer is the result of a loss of integrity; melanoma the outcome of feeling dirty, having been soiled (disgraced or discredited) or defiled (raped or sexually assaulted).

These descriptions sound extreme, considering how frequent skin cancer and melanoma are today. To me, they all apply. In fact, they are interrelated; either one is just the consequence of the other: once your integrity is broken, the rest follows automatically.

I finally understand why cancer could develop in my body.

If damage is done in your childhood, you will become susceptible to any form of abuse, be it physical, sexual or verbal. Later on in life, after having internalized the pattern, a simple attitude, movement, gesture or even a blink of an eye pushes you back to your inconscient memories and reestablishes your victimhood.

It happens over and over again; you lay yourself down on the floor to be taken. You freely allow others to step on you, to beat you and tear you apart. Time and time again, you hand yourself in, extending your wrists to be tight, and to willingly become a slave again.

You never resist; never hit back; never scream for help nor run away. You allow it to happen, time and time again, staying silent, shutting down your senses, accepting your reality as the only one that exists. Each time, you wait patiently for the nightmare to be over and get ready for the next one to begin. In your sympathetic nervous system there is no place for a flight-or-fight respone; there is only freeze.

The pattern repeats itself for the rest of your life. You are incapable of building relationships without taking the underdog position, in which you do not allow the other to tell you what to do, or to bluntly criticize you without taking you into account. Experiencing a conversation with someone who is just kind to you without expecting anything in return, becomes the exception, a memorable gift.

Cancer taught me that if I wanted to live, I had to break the cycle.

I cleansed my system. For two years I washed my body with water, green smooties and coffee enemas. I detoxed my mind with visualization exercises, intense yoga and meditation practices. I excercised to sweat and with the help of energy healers I dove deep into the inner world of my true self. I cried for hours, days and months, bringing back to life the child I once was; and I am still crying.

I now have started to learn how to protect my sacred space, how to let go of those I once allowed to invade me, how to transform my fear into courage, my stuck innocence into new learning and my anxious, noisy mind into one that is consciously loving of who I really am.

The cancer is gone. I feel less dirty than before, more worthy and capable of creating something better for myself.

I am rebuilding my integrity, healing my living body and repairing my damaged soul. The process may be long, but there is no way back; I will never be the same again.